How certain am I that they are
Not certain. I don't know if I will ever be. I
dont have validating evidence. Much of the characteristics of my
mental illness that I have healed is consistent with my recovered
memories. Also, people I have communicated with that have similar
recovered memories seem to have similar mental illness
Regardless of this, I can't be really sure even if they are actual
experiences or perceptions that I have come away with after having
certain experiences. It's easy to trick a child into believing
something that is not true. I certainly feel that this plays a
significant part in what happened to me.
How did I forget in the first place?
At the time I left high school, I had almost no
recollection of most of my life before that time. It was as if I had
hardly existed. I couldn't explain this. Others could remember what
their childhoods were like, why not me?
I'm not completely sure how I forgot my childhood,
but I believe it could be associated with the normal human ability of
forgetting things that are too unpleasant. And this seems to happen
by 'compartmentalising' areas of the mind. Everyone does it. Just
imagine if you could remember everything you ever experienced. Most
people just have a 'doesnt really matter' compartment, I
The kind of memories I am recalling
The memories I am recalling are mostly bad. These
memories fill in a gap in my memory of my life that is almost a void
of non-existence. Why are they all bad? Why don't I have any good
memories of my childhood, except for a couple, and I am always alone.
Where have my good memories gone, if they exist?
The issue of recovered memory
Some say that it is not possible to forget your
childhood and recover them later in life. In fact there is an
organization in the US, that publicizes that recovered memories are
false, and have named a disorder after this belief. It is called
False Memory Syndrome - FMS. This organization, the FMS Foundation -
FMSF - was established by a father that has been accused of child
sexual abuse by his daughter, who will have nothing to do with her
parents, as I with mine. Recently a man within the organization
publicly declared that sex with children was not necessarily harmful
to the child.
Increasingly, research into this issue leads to
the validity of repressed memories and their being recovered in
adulthood. Most people that uncover repressed memories are able to
verify them in some way with factual information.
I am not sure that what I base my belief on, is
enough to verify my uncovered memories in the eyes of a person
unrelated to my situation. I know that they are enough to make me
believe in them enough to keep digging them up, cutting all ties with
my 'family' and not feeling guilty about hating them.
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