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The voices inside / alters /
consciousness fragments
Mar 2000 ... "I think that the other
thoughts [voices] are ones generated by other areas of my
mind, for the sake of providing alternatives. Sometimes
those alternatives really shocked me, made me upset. Because
they were supposedly just me, then I must be crazy, insane,
perverted. It never really occurred to me that they were
separate identities, with separate belief systems and values
& goals, & all sorts of things. I thought I was just
insane."
Apr 2000 ... "Now I'm getting used to the
possibility that some, or many of those voices are of other
alters. And now I've just thought about the possibilities
that they are all of alters, and that me, host, does not actually
have a voice. ... In some ways it makes sense, but it's also
a bit shocking.
... The voice in my mind told me these things. The host =
the body. The host has not had it's own voice since the
consciousnesses split in first year of life. Before the
split, the single consciousness = the host, but after, the
separated consciousness became the selves, with voices or
not, and the host, the body simply became the physical
carrier."
Apr 2000 - "The wall of cages with the
little me's in all of them, that I visualized ages ago, they
are my multiples, my alters. So if they were all in the
cages, who was looking at them?
... I sent you the image. I needed you to record something,
way back then. I chose that image. I needed you to know what
happened to your childhood. Yes, you can call me Knower, if
you like. It doesn't really matter what you call me. I am
here to guide you and your healing. I am the voice that you
sometimes perceive as your higher self. ... I am sort of
separate from you, but I am familiar with all you have been
through. I am sad for you but I am not the source of any of
your sadness. Your selves hold a record of all your
experiences and emotions. I simply have access to that
information, and I am your guide through it.
... I am situated beyond the reach of all those that tried
to manipulate you.
... the manipulators know very well that
every person has a connection with such an awareness as I
[higher self/awareness]. they know they cannot control it
like other aspects of your mind. so they try to confuse you
by creating the alters that produce your delusions of
grandeur, while mimicking the emotion you feel when
connected with me. you know that with me you feel good and
powerful and protected. but i do not tell you your future.
the mimicking alters do. they try to control your behavior
by mimicking my advice. a poor version of me, but often
effective, and they know this by their observations. you
notice that your bad typing alter is trying to stop you from
getting this out. it is time to realize that your alters are
more modular than you think. you have an array of programs
that are performed by a range of control alters. each
program is for a separate little function, like whether to
be able to type or not. the control alters decide which
programs to assemble into what you actually perform and
behave.
... you know now that the programmers were actually acting a
lot out of curiosity. they were fascinated by the human mind
and the source of consciousness. they did what they did as
much out of that curiosity as they did to program you to
function as they were employed to do. ..."
It's "Knower" again here. As long as you
still have so many fragments that you are unaware of, you
have to be real careful about following orders, especially
from within.
Yes, each fragment was created in a fear event. Only you can
create a fragmentation. They cannot do that. But they can
make you do it. What they set up was post-hypnotic commands
that not only caused you to experience great fear, but also
fear that attached elsewhere, not on them. For this, they
use abstract fears, such as water, monsters, stuff like
that.
They cannot make your fragments, they can only make you make
them.
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The "war-torn post-colonial third
world country" analogy for my highly dysfunctional system
and it's development
I have found this a useful analogy for
myself. Recently, I became aware of a small number of alters
that ran my system. They had control over my mind. I call
them the Council. I could just as easily call them Military
Dictatorship. They are an organised few that developed a
cooperative control over my system while I was still under
the control of my 'family', living at home.
This realisation came
about as I wrote with my left hand. I have begun to teach
myself to write left handed in order to access directly my
right brain. This is because I noticed that I wrote in a
very different way when I typed, compared with when I wrote
with my right hand (footnote 1). I was more emotional, flexible, accomodating
and 'wholistic'. I thought that if I wrote with my left
hand, I would be able to access my emotional right brain, as
opposed to my cold and analytic left brain.
1968 - Invasion
Soon after my birth, my system was
invaded by my 'family', the colonial rulers. Their first
action was to rape the resources of my system, and destroy
as much as they could.
1971ish - Colonial
Rule. In this analogy, I equate
living at home with my family "colonial rule'. My system, or
country, was being administered from outside, and for almost
my entire life I have been controlled from outside. I was
shown the ways of war, and many small conflicts were
encouraged to break out all over my system. This is just
what European colonial rulers did. They encouraged
disagreement and conflict in order to prevent any power
unifying against their rule. "United we stand, divided we
fall." Well, my divided and fallen system is made up of 3
main groups.
-Ruling Council
They took control over the most powerful
group in the country, and administered through them. In my
case, this was the currently ruling Council. They were the
most functional group that emerged after the invasion, and
they were installed as the administers of the system. For a
long time they believed they were rewarded for their loyalty
to the invaders. Yet they were seen as traitors by many in
the system.
-The uneducated and un-unified
population
Part of the process of creating an easily
domineered system is to ensure that the population is
uneducated and not able to organise themselves into a
powerful group that acts in a unified way. This population
carries out their various tasks, and have no real connection
outside their own lives. They do not participate in the
running of the system, yet they influence it by their
actions.
-The exiled guerilla forces
I realised I had a group of alters
opposed to my ruling system, that operated in exile, as do
guerillas in a third-world country. In fact, my council is
quite scared of this force. As much as my council wishes
otherwise, this group is unified in opposition to the
Council. This group operates in exile, in my emotional mind
- right brain. I can access this group by writing left
handed. The council, which is analytical, cold and
intolerant of opposition, resides in my left brain -
accessible by writing right-handed. Just as with real
countries, the Guerillas have a very good point - they are
opposing either colonial rule or the remnants of it. They
also receive support from external sources. This support may
be from other countries or individuals that either support
the cause of the Guerillas, or simply wish to indirectly
make trouble for the colonial power. In the same way, the
colonial regime may be supported by those that oppose the
Guerillas aims, and those that support the colonial power.
Guerilla supporters may be other abuse survivors,
sympathetic therapists and other individuals of professional
backgrounds, as well as govt employees, etc. Colonial
supporters may be from any of these sources also.
1993 - Semi-Independence, financial
aid.
When I left home, I gained a greatly
increased level of independence. This amounted to my ruling
Council being given an overall control. Such as when a
colonial power withdraws direct control over a country. The
result was a ruling Council that did not have the capacity
for full independence. My system moved into the frustrating
and difficult position of having to accept financial aid.
This is a very difficult time, because much of the aid goes
to propping up the ruling system, which become indebted to
the providers of aid. In my case, the providers of financial
aid were my 'family', and in return, I was required to not
only maintain contact with them, but also to accept their
asserted position of good-guys and maintaining my loyalty to
them - despite what they had done in the past, which was
'swept under the carpet'. From the outside, the colonial
rulers, my 'family', maintained a 'goodness and light'
facade, and nobody even thought to question it.
1995-7 - The corruption
scandals
After a few years of financial aid, my
system began to uncover corruption amongst its ranks. Secret
collusion and hidden problems that were exposed by scandals
that happened again and again. One of these was my
relationship problems. Another was the employment problems I
was having. In fact, money was one of the most revealing
scandals that I had. It exposed secretive collusion with the
ex-colonial power (my 'family').
early 1998 - Spy scandal
Eventually, it was revealed, after
another scandal that rocked my ruling Council, that the
colonial power had infiltrated the ruling Council itself
from day one, and was pulling strings from inside. This was
achieved by my 'family' through post-hypnotic suggestion. An
indication of how unscrupulous my 'family', and colonial
rulers in gereral, are.
mid 1998 - Viva la
revolution!
The exposure of the 'spy scandal'
precipitated a revolution by the ruling Council. It was no
longer prepared to tolerate external intervention from the
ex-colonial rulers, my family. Diplomatic ties with the
enemy were mostly stopped. Fiscal policy was altered to
account for cessation of financial aid. For the first time,
I was left to survive on the income I generated
myself.
1998 to 2000 - Stabilisation,
anti-corruption purges, tightening of fiscal
policy.
After the spy scandal, major changes were
made to the system. Procedures were put in place to detect
corruption and other acts that threatened the system. I
began to pay much more attention to my state of mind and
learned to detect the signs of post-hypnotic suggestion
attempting to influence my system. many changes were made to
accommodate more members of the system, and allow much more
freedom of expression than had previously been possible.
This resulted in the end of open conflict between the two
opposing groups in my mind, the ruling Council and the
opposition Guerillas in the hills.
2000 - Solving the guerilla problem,
moving toward democracy
Armed with recent increases in
understanding, and a cease-fire treaty with the rebel
forces, it has been decided by the ruling Council, following
a request from a spokesperson for the Guerillas, that moves
toward joint government and democracy should be made. In
fact, successful real life political solutions will be
consulted to see if they offer any useful ideas. My task now
is to work toward increasing the scope and inclusion of
alters involved in administering my system. The first step
is a joint government. Eventually all the uneducated alters
will be incorporated into the process. Hopefully efficiency
and productivity will be increased. It's pretty low right
now.
now what?
This analogy helps me not only to
understand what has happened, but also to look to ways of
further progressing in my healing. And a potential source of
ideas.
Footnote
1 - For this reason, I propose
that the invention of the typewriter - where a person uses
both hands to assemble a written message - is an important
factor in the cultural development of the human race. In
fact, it may not be coincidental that political movements
grew at around the time typewriters became more widespread
in their use. (back to
where you came from)
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